Planning: Dinner
What’s for dinner? Worldwide, how many times do you think that question is asked per day? Far too many to tally, I would imagine. Planning for dinner, before that question comes, can be one of the most helpful tasks of someone’s week. In a world full of insta-gadgets, prep work and quick fixes have beamed us into a Jetsons form of lifestyle. But preparing a quick roast or having a chicken done a day in advance is just one of the benefits of dinner for the family. According to Dr. Laura Markham, founder of Aha! Parenting, in her article Dinner: 30 Minutes to a More Connected Family (n.d.), “The more frequently kids eat dinner with their families, the better they do in school, and the less likely they are to get involved with drugs or alcohol, suffer depression, consider suicide, or become sexually active during high school.”
When we become aware of the capability and benefits of planning dinner, actually any planning, we grow to be more mindful of our family’s needs. Prioritizing these tasks helps us to focus our attention, change the way we think, become more empathetic and learn to cope with healthy behaviors.
To work towards a more connected family through dinner time, here are a few of Dr. Markham’s (Aha! Parenting, n.d.) tips to get started:
Put on your own oxygen mask first. Take steps to relax before rushing to get dinner on the table.
Consciously cultivate sacred space. Set the tone for celebration and appreciation.
The food is not the point. The point is connecting with each other.
Turn off the TV and radio. Protect this special time with no interruptions, this could also include cellphones.
Establish fun rituals and routines. This can be a spiritual ritual or fun topics or the day.
Create a sense of gratitude and connection. Our gratitude that we are able to sit down to a meal when others are hungry, our appreciation of each other, our honoring the person who prepared the meal and the bounty of nature that produced it, our awareness that in this moment we have everything we truly need.
Make the discussion interesting for everyone. Ask about everyone’s day. Some families use “rose and thorn” to share best and worst parts of their day.
But what do we talk about? Write topics on index cards to keep in a drawer when conversations may need a little help.
Make sure everyone participates. This becomes easier as this becomes a part of your family’s culture.
Listen. Don’t offer advice unless asked, and your kids will be more willing to bring up what’s bothering them.
Protect the dinner table as a nurturing, happy, safe space. Defer unpleasant topics. The key is cheerful, relaxed, and kind parental leadership so that everyone’s contribution is valued and no one experiences hurt feelings.
Agree on which nights you will all eat together and make it a big deal to miss those nights. Start small, if you need to, with one or two nights a week.
Play with your food. Or at least play with your family while you’re eating your food. Creating a sense of fun and play at the dinner table is the single best way to make everyone look forward to that time together, and sets a wonderful tone in your house.
Work toward having everyone help get the dinner onto the table and do the clean-up afterward. Start small and integrate a rotation of chores.
Celebrate whenever possible. Make a big deal out of birthdays, accomplishments of any kind, seasonal changes, and famous people’s birthdays. Life is not easy. There’s always something to celebrate. Just making it through each day intact as a family is worth celebrating!
Reference:
Markham, Dr. Laura, ed. “Dinner: 30 Minutes to a More Connected Family.” Aha! Parenting. Accessed July 8, 2021. https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/dinner-connected-family.
Other recommended resources:
Why Can't We Talk?: What Teens Would Share If Parents Would Listen by Michelle Trujillo
The Family Dinner: Great Ways to Connect with Your Kids, One Meal at a Time by Laurie David, Kirstin Uhrenholdt, Maryellen Baker, Jonathan Safran Foer, Dr. Harvey Karp
Food for Talk (Recipes for Living Series) Cards by Julienne Smith