How to Talk About Mental Health

There may be few topics more difficult to bring up with someone than talking about mental health. There is still a stigma around the topic of mental health and many people don’t feel comfortable or knowledgeable enough to talk about it. Reducing the stigma around mental health means practicing having conversations, even if they are awkward or uncomfortable. The way we approach the topic of mental health includes thinking about the language we use and the care we give. This section gives some suggestions to help.

Helping Yourself

Many people often mistake the action of asking or seeking help as a form of weakness and/or worry about what others may think of us if we admit we’re unable to do something on our own. Perhaps we think that no one would help us or that people will confirm some of the negative things we already think about ourselves. But any thoughts and feelings that keep us from reaching out to others in a time of need is a limiting belief that can have significant implications. It’s important to recognize that in times of stress, our feelings and thoughts may not be the most honest depiction of reality. And these thoughts and feelings are obstacles we all must overcome at some point in our lives.

Who Can You Count On?

When it comes to asking for help, many of us likely have a list of people we go to for different things. It’s good to have different people you can call on for help. Think of your social circles and contacts—family members, coaches, mentors, other trusted adults, and peers.

Who would you call when faced with overwhelming stress or in a moment of crisis?
Who are your top two most trusted people or emergency contacts?
Who aside from your emergency contacts, do you know and trust to support you without judgment?
Who at school or in your extended family could help you when you have struggles at home?
Who might you reach out to for support when struggling in school—your neighbor, aunt or uncle, or sports coach?

Have your “go-to” people’s telephone numbers in several locations, such as in your phone, in your computer, at home, in your backpack or locker, so it’s easy to get to when you need them most.

  
      Tips for asking for help for yourself:
    
      Think about your goal for the conversation 
      
        Remember that it isn’t just what you say, but how you say it. Tone and
        approach will greatly impact how the person hears what you’re saying.
      
      Use “I” statements
      
        Using “I” as the subject in a conversation makes it easier for others to
        tune in. The use of “you” as a subject causes people to feel blamed and
        become defensive, reducing their ability to empathize with you.
      
      Share painful feelings
      
        This expression pulls people in and you are more apt to get their
        attention. Examples: lonely, worthless, helpless, trapped, hopeless,
        humiliated, suicidal, depressed, unsafe, like a burden, unbearable pain.
      
      Let people know what is AND is not helpful
      
        Remember: others cannot read your mind, so be sure to communicate what
        is most helpful to you and what is not useful.

Tips for asking for help for yourself:
Think about your goal for the conversation	Remember that it isn’t just what you say, but how you say it. Tone and approach will greatly impact how the person hears what you’re saying.
Use “I” statements	Using “I” as the subject in a conversation makes it easier for others to tune in. The use of “you” as a subject causes people to feel blamed and become defensive, reducing their ability to empathize with you.
Share painful feelings	This expression pulls people in and you are more apt to get their attention. Examples: lonely, worthless, helpless, trapped, hopeless, humiliated, suicidal, depressed, unsafe, like a burden, unbearable pain.
Let people know what is AND is not helpful	Remember: others cannot read your mind, so be sure to communicate what is most helpful to you and what is not useful.

Helping Others

What do you do when the person you want to help is someone else? Great question. There may be times when we notice changes in another person—a friend, a loved one, a teammate, etc.—that cause us concern. We may want to express our concern, be respectful, and let them know we care—yet worry that we may overstep or cause more harm. Obstacles like these certainly come into play but it’s important to realize that they can be overcome. It’s important to remember that you are doing this because you care about the person and want to help them—in a way that works for them.

Tips For Helping Others

DO

Show and say that you care

Ask questions or express concern about what you’re seeing in another’s behavior
Validate the person’s feelings
Identify people who can help
Offer hope and reassurance about help and support that’s available
Offer to go with the person to talk to someone

DON’T

Ask in a negative way or use reverse psychology
Act shocked or be judgmental
Minimize the person’s problems
Agree to keep it a secret
Assume you know what they mean
Try to convince the person it’s “not that bad”