Questions, Answered
We’ve answered some common questions families, students, and educators have that may also be helpful to you depending on your situation. Click the section that applies most to you.
For Families
My child has been diagnosed with a mental health condition. What should we expect the course of treatment to be?
Most mental health conditions can be treated by therapy, medication, or some combination of both depending on your child’s needs.
| Types of Treatment | |
|---|---|
| Talk-Therapy Form of treatment that consists of talking with a counselor, psychotherapist, social worker, etc. |
Medication Form of treatment used by doctors and other licensed medical professionals to help treat mental and physical conditions using drugs |
| Talk-therapy has proven effective in treating mental health conditions. A licensed therapist is bound by confidentiality and won’t reveal the specifics of what your child discusses during a session unless there’s a concern for safety. Therapists play an important role in your child’s support team and so do you—it’s okay to ask how your child is doing or for suggestions on how to better support your child. Viewing your child’s therapist as an ally in the wellness journey helps can help you feel like you’re not alone. Visit this page for more information to help your child with how to approach therapy. | Medication may be suggested as part of the treatment plan. Research shows that medications can be extremely helpful in the treatment of many mental health conditions. It’s important to talk with your prescriber regularly about how the medication makes your child feel as medications affect every person differently. Remember: DO NOT stop the medicine without consulting with your child’s prescriber first. |
It can take a while for your child to respond to treatment, so be patient and when in doubt, talk with your child’s health care provider. Remember: your child’s point-of-view about treatment will be influenced by how you view it. A supportive approach will help your child get the most out of the experience.
Is there a difference between self-harm and a suicide attempt?
Self-harm is not highly correlated with suicide. Typically, self-harm is a maladaptive coping technique. If you learn that your child is cutting or harming himself or herself, ask your child directly about thoughts of suicide. If s/he is experiencing suicidal ideation, get help right away. If your child denies any thoughts of suicide, consider finding a therapist to help your child learn more adaptive coping techniques.
I feel stressed as a parent and I have too many demands placed on me.
What would help me manage the stress?
Being a parent requires a lot of work; and we have to be as healthy as we can—mentally, physically, and socially—in order to effectively parent. Self-care is not selfish it’s necessary for wellness and will help you better manage stress. Here are some tips to practice self-care:
Take time to self-reflect – Listen to and feel what your body and mind are telling you to try to recognize the things in your environment that are causing you stress.
Pay attention to internal cues – Recognize the signs your body sends when you’re becoming stressed to identify stressors, so you can improve your ability to cope with them.
Notice what’s going on with you – Are you eating well? Are you getting enough sleep? These can be indicators that something else going on and perhaps talking with your doctor or a therapist can help you to ensure your basic needs are being met.
Identify the activities, places, and people that you enjoy – Seek out these supports regularly, especially when feeling stressed. Healthy coping skills are very personal. Learn what activities are helpful to you and make time for them. If you’re having trouble finding time for yourself, ask a family member or a friend to help out. It isn’t a sign of weakness to ask for help, and the person you’re asking might feel good by helping.
How can I get my teen to talk with me?
I try to talk to her, but she won’t open up. I feel totally shut out. How can I get her to engage with me?
Although it’s developmentally appropriate for teens to turn more toward their peers, it can be a difficult transition for many parents. As teens work their way to independence, the opinions of parents seem to become less of a concern. Don’t be fooled however, your child still values your relationship. Research shows that teenagers really do want to talk with their parents, especially about the difficult subjects like drugs and sex, but they think their parents are unapproachable on these topics.
Be more approachable and consider the following:
Create a comfortable environment – Talk about something your child has interest in. If you share an interest, this can provide a great starting point. Avoid starting a conversation when you can’t give your full attention or when your teen is already in a bad mood. Think about the best time of day, location, and other details that can affect your teen’s engagement. You can also reduce the pressure by talking during casual moments like while in a car, watching TV, or other shared experiences. Adults may prefer distraction-free, direct conversation, but these situations can be intimidating for kids.
Ask open-ended questions – Questions like “How was your day?” require only one-word answers. Think about how you might restructure your question to inspire more commentary, like “What was your favorite part of your day?” Ask about both positive and negative experiences, which helps get your teen talking and makes it okay to have bad days.
Do more listening and less talking – Our children are very attuned to us—even our micro-expressions. Avoid making judgements, minimizing feelings, or trying to talk them out of their perspective. Sometimes just reflecting on what you hear your child say can give teens the validation they need. Allow your teen the opportunity to vent without feeling hurried to move beyond the moment. Feelings are meant to be felt.
Create an open-door policy – Let your teen know you are available any time or place you are needed. Make a priority of being responsive to your teen’s needs so she is more likely to come to you again the next time. Consider using praise or other positive reinforcement when she seeks you out or shares with you.
Problem-solve together – As children mature, they want to be more involved in decisions that affect them. They also need to learn life skills to be successful adults—and that includes learning to problem solve. During the teen years, tension between wanting to give them more “freedom” and wanting to keep them safe is common. If your teen argues with you, try not to take it personally or let it trigger you—it’s likely more about asserting themselves and learning to advocate for their interests. Helping them learn to effectively handle disagreements begins with modeling this for them. If you’re calm, they will learn to be calm. If your teen isn’t understanding your perspective or what you’re saying, you may just have to explain it differently. Many adults feel as though they need to “do something” or “fix the problem”, but this approach may not be most helpful to your child. When your child is struggling, ask, “How can I best help you right now?” and then help them in the ways they describe. Often, they might just need to know they are loved and valued, and it could be as simple as a hug.
Be patient – Effective parent-child communication doesn’t just happen overnight. Even if you’ve had good communication in the past and this changes – don’t worry; it may simply be a phase. Model good communication skills (including listening) and allow your teen to talk about what she is interested in. Often, she may share a favorite song with you or something that happened at school, and then describe something she’s been feeling or thinking—allow for the process to occur. If she feels she is on a timeline or there is some goal of the conversation, she may be less likely to talk with you. Allowing for conversation about both negative and positive experiences will help conversations flow more naturally. Create positive experiences with your teen where conversations will occur organically. Strengthening relationships requires effective communication but also simply spending time together doing something fun.
For Students
I understand people have bad days or feel blue; but how do I know when it’s more than just having a bad week? When should I worried that it could be more, like depression or feelings of suicide?
Great question, and you’re right—it’s definitely okay to not feel okay—it happens to all of us sometimes. And one bad day can sometimes feel as bad as a week or month of other kinds of struggles because we all experience stress differently. If you experience feelings like hopelessness, stuck in the situation and can’t find a way out, isolated and don’t feel like you can talk to anyone, or that your “not okay” days are going on for longer than expected or get worse, it’s definitely time to pay attention and seek help. If you or someone you know is thinking about or talking about suicide, pay attention and talk to a trusted adult immediately. You are not alone, there are people who can and want to help. Taking action to get help is a sign of strength; and mental health challenges are common, treatable, and manageable.
Click here to get help:
What should I do if I learn that someone I know is having thoughts of suicide? What if my friend wants me to promise not to tell anyone?
This is a very difficult position to be in—you care about your friend and don’t want anything bad to happen, yet you also don’t want to risk losing the friendship by betraying his/her confidence. Here are some things you can do to help in a scenario like this:
| IF | THEN |
|---|---|
| If a friend confides in you that s/he is considering suicide or having thoughts of self-harm, | Then, ask directly:
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| If your friend answers “yes,” | Then, ask: “Do you have a plan?” |
| If your friend answers “yes,” | Then, DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE and call a trusted adult for help. |
| IF | THEN |
|---|---|
| If a friend confides in you that s/he is considering suicide and asks you to promise you won’t tell, | Then, let your friend know that you care and explain why you won’t keep it a secret.
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Remember: Someone who is contemplating suicide is experiencing reality much differently than you are—s/he is likely in a great deal or pain, is feeling like there is no one who cares, may be experiencing tunnel vision and unable to see possible outcomes. It’s important to be supportive and non-judgmental. Click here for tips on how to talk with someone about mental health.
If I tell someone I’m feeling suicidal, does that mean that I’m going to the hospital or be committed?
The simple answer is “No.” Between 55-60% of children and teens who come to an emergency room with suicidal thoughts go home—they are not admitted to the hospital or an inpatient unit. It’s a myth that you will be committed if you go to the hospital because of a mental illness—and it’s part of the stigma around mental illness that keeps people who need help from getting the help they need. Your safety is goal number one, and a medical professional will work with you and your family to create a plan to keep you safe and get you the help you need to feel better.
What do I do if I think my parent/guardian is struggling with a mental illness? I care and want to help; but I don’t want to overstep, get in trouble, or make things worse.
Research tells us that one in five people will struggle with a mental health condition at some point during our lives, so it’s quite possible that someone you love could be struggling. When a parent or family member’s mental disorder is undiagnosed or untreated, everyone in the family struggles. It isn’t easy bringing up this topic with anyone, especially when it’s a parent or family member. But the most important thing to remember is that you are not alone, and it isn’t your job to “fix” them. Whether the illness has been diagnosed or not, the symptoms and effects are very real.
If you’re concerned that your parent or family member may be experiencing mental health challenges, remember you are not alone, and there are people who can and want to help you. It’s also not your fault if your parent/family member is struggling. Reach out to a school counselor, teacher, relative, or friend for help. Telling someone what’s going on increases the likelihood that everyone will get the support needed to live healthier, better lives.
My doctor recommended that I “talk to someone” and I’m pretty sure that means therapy. I’m unsure how I feel about this. It might be nice to have someone to talk to, but what if the therapist tells my parents what I say? What advice do you have?
We know that talk-therapy (talking with a counselor, psychotherapist, social worker, etc.) can help treat mental health conditions and if you have the opportunity to participate, that’s really great news! Whatever feelings you’re having about it, it’s okay to have them. Those feelings can be a good way to begin the conversation with the therapist. Seeing a therapist isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength to take steps to feel better. And don’t worry about the therapist telling your parents what you say—a licensed therapist is bound by confidentiality and will review in your first session what s/he can and cannot tell your parents.
It can take a while to feel comfortable opening up to someone new and your therapist understands that. The two of you are working toward the same goal—helping you feel better. Feel free to ask any questions, to tell your therapist if you disagree with him/her or if something makes you uncomfortable.
Before having an in-person appointment, you can talk on the phone first to see if s/he will be a good fit—you may “gel” better with some therapists than others. If you’ve been in therapy for a while and are considering stopping or changing to a new therapist, tell your therapist how you’re feeling and what’s not working for you. Speak honestly about your needs and allow your therapist to address them.
Therapy is a place for you to focus on you, to better understand yourself, and learn to make positive changes. You have every right to tell your counselor how s/he can help you best. Just remember it may take some time and that obstacles are bound to come up throughout treatment.
For Educators
In situations where students reach out for help—repeatedly and often—we contact their parents to bring them into the conversations. Sometimes, the parents appreciate the partnership and work with us to identify the best ways to support their child. But other times, parents won’t respond even after repeated attempts have been made. What do you recommend we do to engage these parents and help the entire family?
It’s important to remember that each family has its own way of communicating, showing love, and cultural customs that can make situations more complex. There is no one right way to handle a situation like this, nor is there one approach that works for everyone. Sometimes, it can take a while to get a parent involved; and other times, it requires a bit a work and determination. Here are a few ideas that may help:
| Awareness |
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| Describe |
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| Assess |
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| Plan |
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| Talk |
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| Don't | Do |
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I’m concerned that a student has a mental health condition. How do I take positive steps to get help for him/her?
Students spend many hours in school, so educators engage with them in ways that families do not. You likely see more than a student’s academic performance in the classroom; you’re often also aware of relationships and behaviors of students outside the home. You might have concerns and see warning signs before anyone else. Because you play an important role in the lives of students, you can make a difference.
If you believe a student is struggling, your school will have protocols for dealing with this kind of situation. It’s certainly okay to ask your student if s/he would like to talk, and it can be important for the student to know that they are not alone.
Talking to other educators to get more context about the child or family can often help put your concerns into perspective. It’s critical that you use discretion when talking with others about your concerns. The key here is to advocate for the health of the child and not appear to be gossiping or spreading rumors. And remember to find a place that is private to have conversations, so others don’t overhear. As an educator, you’re an important part of each student’s success. Keeping things professional and focusing on the student’s safety is crucial. Here are more helpful tips on how to help students.