Thoughts, Feelings, & Behaviors

Thoughts And Feelings

As people, we’re hardwired with thoughts and feelings. Being aware of our thoughts and feelings are key to managing mental wellbeing. The amount and range of the thoughts and feelings we experience can make it difficult to understand how they may be impacting our daily lives. To better process and understand our own thoughts and feelings, it’s important that we know what they are, what they’re not, and how they’re different from each other. Thoughts and feelings are very connected to one another, but they are two distinct things.

THOUGHTS:
Ideas or opinions produced by thinking or that occur in the mind

FEELINGS:
An emotional state or reaction

“Feelings are what makes us unique and are a natural, wonderful part of who we are. You are NOT expected to feel a certain way or be anyone else but YOU.”

Thoughts and feelings have a tremendous influence on our daily lives and are what help us make sense of our surroundings and connect us with the world. Recognizing the differences between thoughts and feelings helps us process them, and it can sometimes take a bit of time and effort to understand what’s a feeling, and what’s a thought. Additionally, we need to remember that we have both thoughts and feelings. While it might be tempting to ignore our thoughts or push away feelings because they can be difficult to deal with, we risk making decisions that lead to unhealthy or undesirable results, and these choices can lead to more painful thoughts and/or feelings.

For example, if a person we love does something to make us angry, we may not want to feel that anger because that’s painful, and not in line with the love we have for the person. We may feel conflicted about being angry and, instead, choose to ignore the feelings rather than cope with them. Pushing down these feelings may cause even more negative feelings, leaving us feeling worse. Now we’re carrying around a ball of anger about the person from the original experience, combined with more negative feelings from trying to avoid the original feelings. We end up interacting with the world with these feelings just below the surface and risk that they may come out toward the wrong person at the wrong time.

Ultimately, if we try to shove our thoughts or feelings down and ignore them, we will wind up dealing with them in some other way—like feeling anger or contempt or in a way that blocks self-awareness and understanding. Learning to understand their differences and how they work together allows us to see what happens when we put them into action.

Describing Thoughts And Feelings

Understanding our thoughts and feelings can be confusing, in part, because of the way we refer to them—sometimes we say that we’re feeling something, yet it’s not a feeling at all. The example below shows how what we say relates what we’re thinking and feeling for a more accurate description of our experiences. This approach intentionally focuses on both our thoughts AND our feelings so we can avoid a potential block in our self-understanding.

  
      WHAT WE SAY
      WHAT WE THINK
      WHAT WE FEEL
      ACCURATE STATEMENT
    

  
       I feel betrayed. 
      I’ve been betrayed.
       I feel sad, mad, and hurt. 
      I feel sad because I think I’ve been betrayed.
    

       I feel stupid. 
      I think I am stupid.      
       I feel sad, ashamed, and hurt.
      I feel ashamed because I think I am stupid.
    

       I feel broken.
      I think I am broken.
      I feel a painful sadness.
      I think I am broken because I see myself as abandoned by other and feel a painful sadness.
    

WHAT WE SAY	WHAT WE THINK	WHAT WE FEEL	ACCURATE STATEMENT
I feel betrayed.	I’ve been betrayed.	I feel sad, mad, and hurt.	I feel sad because I think I’ve been betrayed.
I feel stupid.	I think I am stupid.	I feel sad, ashamed, and hurt.	I feel ashamed because I think I am stupid.
I feel broken.	I think I am broken.	I feel a painful sadness.	I think I am broken because I see myself as abandoned by other and feel a painful sadness.

Behaviors

“The way we think about something affects the way we feel about it. Our thoughts and feelings influence our behaviors, choices, and ultimately, outcomes.”

Also connected to our thoughts and feelings are behaviors. Behaviors are our actions or the ways in which we present ourselves to others. Our behaviors outwardly reflect how we are feeling on the inside. So, for those who may find it hard or prefer not to share their thoughts and feelings, we can look to their behaviors as clues. Changes in behavior are typically signs that a person may be struggling with a mental health condition. If you are worried that you or someone you know is struggling and find it difficult to talk about personal thoughts or feelings, try comparing behaviors before and after stress. The greater the difference in behavior, the greater the struggle. We also recommend using these tips to help you and/or someone you know on how to talk about mental health.